Filling the Void

When life gets the busiest, is when I feel the most lost and confused--my life is SO FULL, that I feel empty inside. When I read this article, it really brought it home for me, it put my exact feelings into such beautiful words. Enjoy!

Victoria Anderson, “Filling the Void,” Ensign, Mar 2006, 56–57

I had a yearning to fill every minute with music, television, or some other stimulus. What need was I trying to satisfy?

It was a cold, clear night, and the moon lit the snowcapped mountains as it peeked above their rugged edges. I shivered as I climbed into my car, waiting for the heater to warm my frozen toes and hands.

My last client at the clinic where I worked as a psychologist had left an hour before, but even after finishing phone calls and paperwork, I continued to be drawn to thoughts of concern for her welfare. Sherry (names have been changed) was a 19-year-old college student with an eating disorder. She had been sexually abused as a child by her stepbrother and had never received treatment because her parents were afraid it would ruin the family.

My thoughts of Sherry were interrupted when a car sped past me and swerved in front of me on the freeway. My heart started pumping harder, and I mumbled a few words under my breath. I tried to regain my composure as I drove toward home by turning on the radio. I flipped through the stations to find a comfortable song. “All the same empty noise,” I thought. “I wonder why I keep this crazy thing on so much of the time. It’s almost like I’m trying to fill a void somehow.”

I looked toward the mountains again. The moon was so bright and full that it illuminated the clouds sitting above the mountaintops. I turned the radio off and began to be thankful for the majesty of nature. A feeling of enormous debt filled my heart and soul, and I began to pray. After thanking Heavenly Father for the beauty surrounding me, I began to muse: “I wonder, Father, why I have a yearning—almost a need—to fill every minute with music or television or something to satisfy the void. Why does Sherry seek to fill her void with food? Why does Susan feel a need to fill her void with drugs, and why does Bert seek to fill his void with sex? Why does there sometimes seem to be a giant hole in our lives, even when we want to do what is right?

After these questions, thoughts, and feelings filled my heart and soul, the answer came in a peaceful awareness. I had lived with my Heavenly Father in the premortal existence. In that realm I was filled with His divine love for me as His daughter. When I came to earth, I left His presence, and a void was created. I felt the void was placed in my heart for my earthly journey so I would seek Him again. As I seek to know and love my Heavenly Father, the void can be filled.

It was a soft and quiet answer—as quiet as the moonlit night. But it touched my soul, and tears began to well up in the corners of my eyes.

How many wasted hours and years do we spend searching after things to fill our voids in our lives: riches, possessions, sexual gratification, food, power, popularity? All of these can elate our senses or bring excitement, but they also return us to a place where we feel even more wanting. Thus begin the addictions, for we can never fill the void through earthly means.

Through the hundreds of people I see each year in counseling who are suffering from pain, loneliness, and addictions, I have reached a new awareness that they are all trying to fill their void in ways that only tear them apart. The void cannot be filled by external sources but must be filled from within.

The only way for us to fill the void in our lives is to come to know our Heavenly Father and His love for each one of us. That means to love Him enough that we want to do His will. Jesus said, “He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him” (John 14:21). Christ is the bridge for us to return to our Heavenly Father.

Jesus explained this to the woman at the well: “Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again: but whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life” (John 4:13–14).

As I rounded the final corner, my house came into view. I knew my family was inside and would welcome me home in love. I thought of another future reunion filled with love—perfect love: that of returning to Heavenly Father. As I pulled into the driveway, I was filled with gratitude for what I had been taught about the power of knowing God’s love. I thought of the promise made in different words nearly 2,000 years earlier by His Son:

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27).

Our ice storm adventure

Going three days without power doesn't sound all that bad, but when the temperature outside is in the single digits, and the roads are covered in inches of ice--you know you're in for the long haul. We had no power, so, no lights, no heat, no TV or internet, no stove, no microwave, no hot water, no refrigerator--you get the idea--it was not fun! Poor little Taylon has such sensitive skin, and he was breaking out in a rash all over his face from the cold.

We hunkered down in the living room next to the fireplace and brought in wood from outside, even with the fireplace going it was so cold you could see your breath. We survived, just like everyone else. It was a wake up call for me, I really need to be more prepared. It wasn't too bad eating out of cans, but it was SO blasted cold!!! There were trees down everywhere, roads blocked, and the rain and snow just wouldn't stop. Our poor little pine trees were lying flat on the ground, so sad. Even now, there are still power lines down and people who don't have heat, and I am so grateful to have ours! You don't realize how much you rely on it. Sitting on a mattress with your family, in the cold, with nothing to entertain you but each other was actually kind of fun--makes ya feel like you're a pioneer--a pioneer with can openers, UNO and Monopoly, of course.

Once we got up and going again, Ali and I needed to take the car through the car wash, and you will never believe my luck, I got stuck, yes, STUCK, in the car wash. When you go in the door in fron of you comes down, and so does the door behind you. When the wash was done it said to pull forward, only problem was, the door wouldn't open--Ali thought this was pretty funny. I kept honking the horn in hopes that someone would come let me out--10 minutes later, (not nearly as bad as 3 days), but still, it was so ridiculous!

Anyway, we're still here, we haven't blown away yet! All is well!

The Johari Window

Arena (known to self and others) caring, dependable, loving	Blind Spot (known only to others) adaptable, bold, clever, confident, dignified, energetic, friendly, giving, idealistic, ingenious, introverted, logical, mature, nervous, observant, organised, powerful, proud, quiet, reflective, self-assertive, self-conscious, sensible, silly, spontaneous, sympathetic, tense, warm, wise, witty
Façade (known only to self) happy, patient, religious	Unknown (known to nobody) able, accepting, brave, calm, cheerful, complex, extroverted, helpful, independent, intelligent, kind, knowledgeable, modest, relaxed, responsive, searching, sentimental, shy, trustworthy

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (0%) adaptable (14%) bold (14%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (14%) cheerful (0%) clever (28%) complex (0%) confident (14%) dependable (14%) dignified (14%) energetic (28%) extroverted (0%) friendly (14%) giving (28%) happy (0%) helpful (0%) idealistic (14%) independent (0%) ingenious (14%) intelligent (0%) introverted (28%) kind (0%) knowledgeable (0%) logical (14%) loving (14%) mature (14%) modest (0%) nervous (14%) observant (14%) organised (14%) patient (0%) powerful (28%) proud (14%) quiet (28%) reflective (14%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (0%) self-assertive (14%) self-conscious (28%) sensible (28%) sentimental (0%) shy (0%) silly (28%) spontaneous (14%) sympathetic (14%) tense (14%) trustworthy (0%) warm (14%) wise (14%) witty (14%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 2.2.2009, using data from 7 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view Poohlie's full data.

The Ordinary and Unexciting

• "A house does not have to be perfect to be a home of joy, a child does not have to behave perfectly to love and be loved, and every moment of life does not have to be perfect to be of value. Too often, I realize, we fail to see the glorious reality of the simple joy that abounds in the seemingly mundane routine of day-to-day living. Instead, we tend to idolize the past, idealize the future, and devalue the present.... What better way to show our appreciation to Heavenly Father for what we have than to embrace our lives, albeit 'ordinary' and 'unexciting,' with joy?"
  --Winnie Dalley; Ensign, March 1998, page 59
  

Do you ever feel this way? I certainly do—this really caught my attention and helped me to focus in again on what's really important. It's so hard not to compare yourself with others—it's even scarier to realize that others are comparing themselves to you—if only they knew.

I am going to embrace the dents in the corner of my wall upstairs, and be grateful that my kids were trying so hard to learn to clean and vacuum when they slammed it into the corner, denting it forever more (a memory forever)

I am going to embrace driving Zach to seminary every morning at 6:30 am, because I know all the wonderful blessings he's getting because of it.

I am going to embrace my friends, my friends who aren't movie stars, who aren't rocket scientists, but who are my life line, my comfort, my joy, my strength—I don't know where I'd be without my friends.

I'm going to embrace my sweetheart, my Prince Charming, I'm going to love him for all that he is, and overlook the things that just don't matter.

I'm going to embrace my kids, I'm going to laugh with them, and play with them, I'm going to be thankful for every moment that they're with me, and even after they move away.

What are you going to embrace?

Nursery--what gives???

My current "job," if you will, at church, is the 2nd counselor in the stake primary--over the nursery. Well, I volunteered to do the nursery in our ward until they found someone to do it--which they still have not.

Here's my problem, and I would appreciate ANY, and ALL suggestions--how do you have a nursery when no one is willing to help? Sure, ask someone else to do it, they say yes and never show up. The primary presidency can't do it, they're already overwhelmed with the kids in primary. The parents can't do it because the have their own callings.

A friend of mine suggested not having nursery, she said that when her kids were young they didn't have nursery because there just weren't enough people to make it happen. So, do you suggest that nursery is cancelled and have all the mommies and daddies be upset, or do you ask them to do nursery and have them say they can't.

I am not in any way saying there should not be a nursery, but I am also at a loss as to what any other option would be. The young women can't do it--and there aren't 2 people willing to do it.

A few weeks back I was in the nursery, ALONE! Gasp! I know! I love the kids, and I don't mind it, but I had nine toddlers in there--yes, ALONE! Two of them were tipping over a little toy kitchen on themselves, so I ran over there to stop them. While I was attending to this, two other children on the other side of the room climbed up on the table, and one of them pushed the other off the table--this resulted in a loud thump as his little head slammed into the counter next to the table he was standing on. This was not all--oh no! The entire room was filled with the stench of poop--I think that every one of them decided to fill their britches at the same time! So, we're all crying, (and gasping for some fresh breath), at this point, and I have no one to help me. I opened the door and lo and behold the Bishop, that lucky man, was the first person I saw. I am not proud to say that I was at my wits end at that moment and wasn't overly kind about the way I went about expressing my distress. All the mommies were summoned and little diapers were changed and they sent in a member of the presidency to help me out--thank heaven above!

I am not complaining here--well kind of--I just don't know what the answer is, and I do know that one person in there is ABSOLUTELY NOT SAFE, NOT FUN, AND NOT THE ANSWER! Help me my friends! Ask your friends--draw on the wisdom of your wards and please send it this way!!!!

Who's Your Long Lost Twin???

Question: Do people ever come up to you and randomly tell you that you look like someone they know? Well, as of late, I've been bombarded with this question, so, I've decided to do a little experiment--I'll ask my nearest and dearest buddies to put in their two cents! This should be very enlightening. So, this is how it works, you look at the pics and decide which, if any, you think looks like me. Or, if you don't think any of them look like me, put in your own candidate, or you can just say that I am an Intergalactic Princess and it's just not possible for anyone to be as remarkable as me:) Part II: Who do people tell you that you look like?

Pictures:
1-This is just li'l ole me--lovely right? No laughing.
2-Claire Danes
3-Julia Roberts
4-Trisha Yearwood


Just a funny--I think my friend Renee, down in TN looks just like Lucy Lu, so lovely.
Jen, my buddy from UT, looks just like Felicity Huffman, and one final; my cute li'l sis looks just like Xena:Warrior Princess (Ha! Ha! Ha!)

So long 2008!

It's been a great holiday! We shared it with friends and family, and had a beautiful Christmas as a family! We missed all our friends back home, and in places far from here; but we were all together in spirit, and always will be.

What was your most memorable moment of 2008? No celeb news--unless you were the celeb.

My most memorable moment was spending time with my family at King's Island, and then up at my brother's house in Illinois to bless their little girl. It's been years since all my siblings and I were together, so this was an occasion to be treasured.